If there's one thing I've learned over the last 6 years, it's that I'm an addict. To FaceBook. I have been weaning myself from it these last 6 months, but everyone once in a while, I fall off the wagon and binge. I can't help it; indulging myself in everyone else's lives. Except my own. That is the main reason I have been trying to wean myself from it. I'm trying to be more grateful for the life I have, not the life others have.
I have been noticing more and more that I get so worked up about stupid little things, or big things that I normally wouldn't know about if it weren't for social media. I found myself here and there more interested in other's lives than my own, and more importantly, my family's. IT'S RIDICULOUS. And I know I'm not the only one out there with this problem. And I also know I'm not the only mother who feels this ridiculous unnecessary, unintended pressure not to post anything that might POSSIBLY lead people to think I'm not perfect. IT'S RIDICULOUS. I have mocked myself for thinking this way, but it's hard not to.
I am not perfect. I'm not a perfect daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, wife, friend, niece, granddaughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, and most of all mother. Did I leave any relations out? :) As one of the mothers involved in social media, we see things all the time, moms claiming that their way is the only way, or to be a know it all after being a mother for 1 week, or posting pictures of OTHER peoples kids being concerned for OTHER people's children because the child is, heaven forbid, wearing a coat in their car-seat, and, heaven forbid, buckled with the latch 2" too low on their chest as if it is the WORST thing in the world. Truly. The worst thing? When did it become our jobs to critique all the other moms in the world? I recently removed myself from a mommy page on Facebook because of this. I went absolutely crazy seeing posts of this sort every other day. I would not like to be judged like that, and I know NOONE else would either, so why do we do it? Because of social media. Because of Facebook. We have so much access to other people's lives, it's hard to see something and not say something. I feel like we've been trained that the phrase "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" is old-fashioned and has now transitioned to the other extreme of "Say everything, even if it's harsh, rude, inconsiderate, ignorant" etc. I myself am guilty of this from time to time.
In today's world, it isn't a wonder why so many moms are stressed out. I read an article about moms 100 years ago having much less stress with 10 kids than moms today with 1 or 2 kids. Being compared to hundreds of friends on Facebook or Instagram isn't easy. (Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE it when people post cute pictures of their kids or amazing things that they are doing with their lives, or new hairstyles, etc. I totally love it, and I do the same to help keep in touch with 90% of my family.) BUT, comparing my imperfect self to everyone else was making me crazy. There was no reason at all for it. That's why I'm pulling back. I am tired of feeling like I can't be myself and post crap like this haha. :) I am tired of feeling like if I post a picture I have to study the picture and make sure no one can find any fault with it. I am tired of feeling like I have to be perfect. Here are some of my real imperfections as a mother:
I LOVE my kids, and yet I struggle to be happy every moment with them.
I love having babies, yet sometimes I would be happy to skip the first year, I struggle with the first year more so than the terrible 2's and even more terrible 3's.
I love spending time with my kids, yet feel so much relief and even joy some days that it's bedtime.
I love having clean, nice smelling kids. I don't love changing poopy diapers, wiping noses, or bathtime.
I wake up some mornings ready for the day, and a lot of days I wake up and wonder if I can handle another day. Especially without my husband here to back me up and help out. (PS, the count is down to 93 days, 93 days until he is done and back home with us)
I love the euphoria of having a newborn, but hated being pregnant and am still suffering lots of pain from my 3rd pregnancy. Yes, he's almost 1.
I get genuinely mad in the middle of the night sometimes when the kids are awake. AGAIN. Tired is my biggest personality trait right now.
I like to feed my kids healthy food. A lot of days I cave to Emerie's constant "Can I have a snack?" Which usually results in her eating junk food, and I am ok with that sometimes, as long as she doesn't ask me again for the 198th time that day. That girl loves to eat all day. My 11.5 month old snuck 4 cookies off the table right after breakfast this morning, and I took pictures and laughed instead of taking the cookies away.
I like to go outside with my kids, but some days I won't because it is just too much work.
I love it when I find my kids are like me, then get super irritated about things that I do that I'm seeing them do. Yes, I'm a hypocrite.
I get mad at my kids in public. I am not that mom that will put up with stuff just because we're out and about.
I love to have the house to myself when my husband takes the kids to the park or something. I love it.
I do a lot of other things that I'm sure other mothers would not approve of. And I'm increasingly fine with that. I'm learning to be comfortable in my own shoes. Because we are not done having kids. No that's not a pregnancy announcement. I've just learned along the way that it's easier than trying to be comfortable in other people's shoes. My rant is not made to make other moms feel guilty about things they're doing on social media. My rant is to acknowledge the fact that people aren't perfect, especially moms. Take it easy out there. Love your OWN life, like I'm learning to love mine.
